You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
