I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
