You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
