So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
