It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
