I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
