Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
