On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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