Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
