The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
