I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My vagina is officially offended.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
