fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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