dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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