he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
