I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
