dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
