Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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