He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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