he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
