Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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