This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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