just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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