Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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