just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i used baking grease as lip gloss
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
