omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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