call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
