Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
