i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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