And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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