Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize