i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
