Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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