I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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