I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
