i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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