oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
