She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I see more hoeing in ur future
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