it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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