i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize