i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
