My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
