She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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