I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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