Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
