my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
