Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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