there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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