I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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