I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
