Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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