I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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