So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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