he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
