I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
