I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
