you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
