seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
