Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
