I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
