Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
