i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize