I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
