Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
