Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
4 words: hood of his car
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
