Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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